Before you judge me, consider:
- I’m not breaking any law
- I’m providing a service to people in need
- It’s green
- Frankly, we could use the money
When I read about the Glen Burnie family that stored their 83-year-old grandmother’s dead body in a freezer, my first response was shock. And then necessity met opportunity.
This kind of thing has happened before. In 1999, a young father – who also happened to live in Anne Arundel County – buried his 4-year-old daughter in a trash bag after her accidental death. Authorities couldn’t charge him with anything more than littering because no laws were broken.
Believe it or not, dumping a body is legal in Maryland. Health care workers and other professionals are required to report deaths, but ordinary citizens are not. And, apparently, no state law prohibits the burial or storage of a body on private property.
Some people may think it’s heartless to stuff grandma into a freezer. Actually, in this latest case the woman had been ill for a long time and was bedridden for years. I know what it’s like with funeral costs and the economy in the tanks. It’s a sad reflection of the extremes to which people are driven under extraordinary circumstances.
According to a recent report from Los Angeles, people are leaving family members unclaimed at the morgue because they can’t afford a proper burial. This is truly a sad state of affairs.
Well, I started thinking. I’ve been unemployed since being laid off last fall when the New Depression struck. Things aren’t looking good, and the outlook is even more grim. I know it isn’t just me. The whole economy is going down the toilet.
My prospects are so dismal that I’m willing to consider letting my backyard be used for dumping bodies. So I placed an ad on Craigslist to let the availability of my yard be known.
Some people may recoil at the thought of dead bodies under foot. The fact is, if you live near Leakin Park or another of the lush wooded areas in the vicinity, you probably pass by a dumped body every day. We watched The Wire; we know what’s inside all those boarded-up rowhouses.
We see dead people all the time on CSI and Dexter. Forensics is cool stuff. What’s to be creeped out about?
It isn’t as though they’ll be stacked up like cordwood. Just one or two maybe. A few at most, buried beneath the backyard lawn. Out of sight, out of mind.
Morbid? Perhaps. But desperate times call for desperate measures
If you’re interested in relocating somebody to my backyard, shoot me an email.